Dear Offspring...

Yes, I ate the last Rice Krispie treat.  And if that makes me a bad mother, I don't mind being bad.

Dear Exorbitantly Priced Home Repair...

Turns out I actually hate something more than trips to Walmart with children in tow.  And that would be you.

Dear Zits...

Go away.  You weren't welcome during puberty.  Or pregnancy.  I'd really love for my complexion to be cleared up before my children are plagued by you.

Dear Speeding Spouse...

Please stop speeding.  Please stop speeding so that you'll stop getting tickets.  With the money we've thrown away paying speeding tickets during our marriage, we could've paid for half of that family vacation you so desperately want to take.  Get out the urge while playing Mario Kart. 

Sincerely,
Your Wife
a.k.a. The Non-Speeding Voice of Reason

Dear Photos of the Class Reunion that I did not attend...

Thank you for the not-so-subtle reminder that I and my classmates are middle aged.  Ouch.

Dear Bad Drivers...

Get off the road.  The end.

Dear Scott Brooks...

You really didn't do yourself, or your team, any favors last night by continuing to play James Hardin.  During the finals is not the time to "trust your guys" by letting them play poorly.  Show your trust in your bench, and give someone else a chance to step up.

Dear Red Robin...

I find your new advertising theme extremely repellent.  I'll revisit your chain when you get rid of those guys.

Dear Universe...

It took me a full two hours to deep clean my kitchen tonight, as it hadn't been done since well before Easter.  Feels good.  I can't help but wonder...  Does this fact prove that this working mother of three young ones is LAZY?  Or does it prove that I'm NORMAL?

Note to My Future Self...

Next time you go out of town, stay away long enough for your family to clean up the messes they make while you are gone.  You'll thank me for this advice.

Dear Grocery Shopping with Children In-Tow...

I really do hate you.  Despise you.  Loathe you.  Abhor you.  However, my current life circumstances demand that I must endure you.  So please, from now on, take it easy on me.

Dear Mom...

My children slept for nearly eleven hours last night.  Thanks for your hand in leading them toward exhaustion; once I finally made it to bed, we all slept soundly and peacefully.  Amen.

Dear Nearly 9 o'clock on a Saturday Night...

In a way, you came too soon.  Yet, you also didn't come soon enough.  Strange how more and more Saturdays are beoming like this.

Dear Sweet Friend Who...

...initiated a conspiracy with my husband to provide us with a rare and much needed date--what a wonderful surprise, and thank you so very much.  This set the week off right.

Dear Pandora App for My Mobile Device...

You're a shoddy piece of technology, as automatically exiting after just two or three songs is simply unacceptable.  I mean, three songs won't even see me through one of my household duties, let alone several of them.  Thanks for absolutely, positively nothing.

Dear Rob Reiner...

Thank you for this.  Brings smiles, laughter and joy every time.

Dear snuggling with my children...

You are utterly and truly one of my most favorite things.  I adore you.  I cherish you.  And I know I'll mourn you when they're too old to want to snuggle anymore.

Dear Christmas Decorations...

Somehow all is right with the world again once you're tucked away in my attic.  Thanks for adding some sparkle to my home over the last six weeks, but I'm much more comfortable in my home when you're not a daily visitor.